up to date

It's been over a month since my last update. I wish I could say that there's much to report, but there isn't. Depending on how you look at that, it can be a good thing or a bad thing.

I'm still employed. Nothing has actually changed at the job -- it's still a toxic environment with a lot of issues and problems that are nowhere near being fixed or solved. The total silence that emanates from our higher ups is unsettling and comfortable all at the same time. Unsettling, because there's no plan of action or determination as to what happens to us when we emerge from bankruptcy in two and a half weeks. It's still a pronounced possibility that my club will close in that amount of time with no notice. Emergence from bankruptcy is always when the nastiest closures tend to happen -- I could literally show up one day with chains across the doors. But also comforting, because no one is paying attention to the failures of my every-day efforts... which has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the situation I've been handed. I've watched how this company runs and I know there's a tendency for undue scapegoating. Knowing it hasn't reached that point yet is, at least, a relief. No one is trying to blame me for the failing fortunes of my region.

Part of me wants to keep speaking up so that when some attention does shift back and problems actually become priorities for my corporate people, it's all documented and common knowledge that I've had a grip on the issues, tried to fix them and was met with resistance every step of the way. But the other part of me doesn't want to draw that attention to myself knowing the history of scapegoating. I did reach the conclusion some time ago that even if by some miracle my region still exists in a few months time... I don't want to be there.

So I took a few vacation days earlier this month to break away from it. I flew back up to NYC for Tony weekend, catch up on a few shows and hang with friends. It had been over eight months since I'd last been up. The last few times I visited, it felt as though I was just that -- a visitor. This time, that old familiar feeling washed over me again -- I felt like I lived there again. It was wonderful. I turned off my phone and work email and just enjoyed the time away. And interviewed for a new job while I was there. Though I doubt I'll land that specific position I interviewed for, there are other future possibilities to watch out for with this company. And those options have the kind of payday I'm looking for. All I can do at this point is be diligent and persistent... and maybe... maybe very soon... I'll be back in a comfortable environment, with comfortable employment. God, it would be nice.

My Sunday today has been very nice. Relaxed, watched TV and put the rest of the world out of my head for a while. Days like today are what days off are meant to be. If I could do this every day I'm off, I might actually be OK.

As for the week ahead? Well, since I went on vacation last week, it's only fair someone goes on vacation this week. I'm on a 6-day work-week. No fun, but I'll make it through. I shortened my own hours for each day to even it all out (it's good to be boss!). I spent Saturday catching up on most everything, so I'll be a little more able to take on tasks as they come. It'll be a day or two before I drown again, but it's a start!

Healthwise? Fought off a cold from last week (mostly gone thanks for a 15-hour sleepathon on Wednesday), but still have a lingering cough. Appointment with Dr. Z the second week of July. This may well be the one I go onto the meds. We've talked about it the last couple of times -- the pattern is not in a good trend right now. Meds will reverse that, but I'm going to be in a quandry if I lose my job. COBRA is still subsidized, thankfully -- and speaking to a former co-worker, it comes up to just a little over $100 a month. I can swing that on unemployment, if it's necessary.

Sorry, this isn't a very cohesive entry... just a catch up. I'll try to have a point in future entries. :)