the best month and a half

It's been over a year since I wrote in this. I suppose, given the title of the blog itself, that's fitting. In astrology, the Saturn Return is a period of tumult and hardship that comes along every 28 years -- where Saturn returns to the point it was in around the time of your birth. As I am now fast approaching 31 -- Saturn has decidedly left the building. That whole concept, enduring hardship from 27-30, certainly seems to fit, though I don't necessarily consider the position of Saturn in the sky as a causality - more a coming of age that syncs up with a transitional period in anyone's life.



Life has transferred back to the general series of ups and downs -- work generally saps me of any life force, but my home life and my friends replenish my supply. Romantically... well, there's nothing romantically, but I've found myself to be more than OK with that. I don't feel as though I'm missing anything. I like my life enough in general that romantic entanglements would merely be frosting -- an added bonus but not necessary to enjoy a slice of cake. And while it would be nice to have all aspects of my daily life in perfect harmony - a job I can't wait to get to every day, a home I can relax in, and friends to envelope me with great experiences and good times... two out of three ain't bad.



So perhaps this is a coda to this blog. I wrote here to release whatever tensions and worries I had about things that were going downhill, be it my health and diagnosis, or the bankruptcy of my former company. These things weigh less on my head than they did at the time. I started meds on October 1, and aside from some side effects and a rather stubborn viral infection... I'm doing really well.



However, if I'm closing this out (which is not fully decided)... I would be remiss in not writing about three spectacular things that happened to me between mid-September and the end of October. It was the most insanely eventful 45 days of my life - wonderful, amazing things here and there tempered by other issues - but dizzying highs that are beginning to set me on a new course and giving me ideas as to what I want to do with the rest of my life.



1) BTC - September 23-27



In April of this year, I was given a flier for an event called Braking The Cycle -- a 285 mile bike ride from Boston to NYC, to benefit the HIV/AIDS services of The Center. Aside from the obvious personal reasons, I've always wanted to do a distance bike event ever since my brother did the MS150 in Florida. There's never been the opportunity until now, so I signed up right away. Aside from the coordinated group efforts from school or Boy Scouts, I'd never taken on a major fund-raising effort. My efforts languished as events I planned never took off or got cancelled from lack of support, until about 3 weeks out, I was looking at the very real possibility of having to pull out. I was disappointed and depressed about the prospect and made one final push - sending out multitudes of emails (which were subsequently forwarded... my parents were instrumental in those efforts) -- and harnessing the power of social networking. My facebook updates and tweets were sprinkled out ad nauseum, spread to the four corners of the earth - imploring thousands upon thousands of people to give to this very worthy cause. It mostly fell on deaf ears, but those that heard and put in did so generously. In the span of two weeks I'd raised over $2,000. In the end, I'm still about $500 shy of my goal, which comes out of my pocket now. But worth it - so very, very worth it.



I am a person with a lot of walls. I tend to be a loner and I'm generally skeptical of everyone's intentions, including my own. I went into the ride not really knowing what to expect. I wasn't able to participate in a lot of the lead up activities due to my work commitments, so I blindly boarded a bus for Boston, figuring I've raised some money, and I'm going for a ride, and that will be that. The other 175 people I would spend the weekend with had other plans. About 12 hours a day on the road doesn't make for much socializing but at every stop along the way there was always someone there with a handful of ibuprofen or a cooler full of Gatorade, ready to help you in any way necessary. There was always someone there who had an ear ready if you needed to talk. And, god forbid, if you were running behind or just had run out of steam... there was a van ready to pick you up and take you to the next stop. To be surrounded by this sort of relentless concern and kindness... a camaraderie I wasn't quite prepared for... it started to break down those bricks in my wall. At the closing ceremonies, we rolled in to the cheers of a huge group of people. I lost all composure during the moment of silence for those that were lost since the epidemic started... and when our final fundraising tally of $318,000 was revealed, I felt an extraordinary pride in this group accomplishment I don't think I've ever felt before. I thought to myself... "God, if I could feel this way every day of my life..."



2) WWTBAM? October 13



After a particularly frustrating day at work in late August, I went home grousing to myself that all I needed was a million dollars and I could just go live the life I wanted. Lofty aspirations that sound best coming out of a grumpy teenagers mouth, I know... but at some point I threw the word "Millionaire" into Google and somehow landed on the audition page for the syndicated version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. The next morning I received confirmation that I was scheduled to take the written test in two days...with about 200 other people. Of those 200, about 15 passed the test and were invited for a face to face interview with the shows segment producers, and if deemed interesting enough, you were then shot over to an on-camera interview to determine if you were TV friendly. Armed with great answers to my questionnaire, I breezed through the interview and taped a 5 or 6 minute on-camera interview (from my observations... the others were getting about 2-3 minutes on-camera). I was walked out of the building by one of the producers, thanked profusely and told I would be notified of my status via postcard in about two to three weeks.



Two to three weeks later...nothing. Figuring I had been passed over, I focused on the task at hand -- finishing my fundraising for Braking the Cycle. I forgot about it entirely until the day before I left for Boston, the magical postcard arrived - four and a half weeks after the initial audition.



"You have been selected for our contestants pool! Congratulations!"



It then went on to say being placed in the contestant's pool was in no way a guarantee of being selected to play, etc, etc, etc... but validating that they liked me enough to keep me in consideration! The pool keeps you active on their contestants list for two years, so I wasn't really anticipating anything too quickly... until I got a call on October 7. "Hey, we were going to pull you in for a taping later this year, but an out of town contestant cancelled on their taping for tomorrow, can you be at the studio in twelve hours?"



In a flurry, I rescheduled work commitments and filled out a 50 question personality quiz for interview topics, gathered outfits and clothing, trying to contact friends for the audience - things most contestants have a month to do I had less than ten hours to finish. At 7:30AM, I showed up at the studio, completely exhausted from a lack of sleep but exhilarated that this was actually happening. Four hours of briefings - segment producer, exec producer, legal, publicity. Studio rehearsal, where I shocked myself by knowing the answer to the $1,000,000 test question (How many humans were on Noah's Ark?) Photos, makeup, and then...waiting. A week's worth of shows are taped in one day, and eleven other contestants all crammed into a green room. We're all fun and playful people and since we're not directly competing we're supportive and hope for the best. As the day progresses... our numbers dwindle down, until it's just three contestants left...and taping is complete for the day. I've been ROLLED OVER to the next taping date, five days away. All that to sit on a couch all day!?


It's for the best. I got to study, lined up friends for the audience... and most importantly, to sleep the night before.

I'm under the grips of a non-disclosure agreement - my show isn't slated to air until January - so I can't really say much about how it went. I won anywhere between $1,000 and $1,000,000. I can say, though, that it was pure joy to be in front of an audience again. It was the most fun I've had in a really, really long time, and I think I gave them great TV. I'd love to do it all again. TV is loads of fun. "If I could do this every day of my life..."

3) Korea, October 27-Nov 2

...which will be a long, long entry, and I will post separately. To put a nice little bow on it all, though -- it was a magical month and a half. I'm actively searching for ways to keep that magic going... and judging by these occurrences, I need to film a TV show with an audience that involves me travelling around the world and doing good deeds -- and then I will be truly happy and fulfilled in every single way imaginable!