Thursday, December 4, 2008

like a rat

Oh, it's been a while. I actually had to look back to see what I'd written about.

I wish I could say that this was going to be a long entry because my life is so interesting and fascinating right now, but really, it isn't. Work is killing me, and my mind has been elsewhere. The more I think about it, the more I'm arriving at the idea that it's time to move on. My company is a sinking ship in this region, and given the recent spate of layoffs they did two weeks ago at the head office, I'd wager a guess we're next. Those layoffs have made our lives in the satellite regions sheer hell. Nothing is getting done, no answers for important questions, no support because all the people who backed us up before don't work there anymore. So, much like a rat jumping from a sinking ship, I'm looking elsewhere. There are a couple of options out there but I need to make sure this process is as seamless as possible.

I have some vacation time coming up in about two weeks... I may book a buddy pass and fly to NYC for a couple of interviews if I can.

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So... it's been a year. A year and two days, to be precise, since my diagnosis. And how am I doing with it? Well, the fact that I didn't fall horribly ill following Thanksgiving was particularly noticeable... first time in four years. In fact, no new hospital stays at all!

But then there's the mental toll... and that's been considerable. All you need to do is look at a picture of me a year ago, and a picture of me now, and you'll see it. And though I haven't shed even the first tear (I don't do crying), it's in the eyes. Well, the eyes and the waistline. Wish I could blame that on Thanksgiving solely (which, incidentally, was lovely!), but that won't fly!

And my birthday is in ten days.

4 comments:

Sayre said...

I'm sorry the work thing is spiraling down the toilet. There are a lot of places around that are feeling the same pinch and suffering the same consequences.

It was wonderful to see you at Thanksgiving - I wish we'd had more time together.

It's been a year, huh? Well, I agree about the shadow in your eyes, but there's still a twinkle there too. Life is for living - to the best of your ability for as long as you can. Don't forget that. Take care of yourself, but don't forget to live!

Anonymous said...

You should write more, baby bro. You have a way with words, and you are a person who deals with things better once they see the light of day. It is an honest, honorable trait.

I am going to offer you a life motto -

MOLON LABE!

During the Battle of Thermopolae, the Persians ordered the hopelessly outnumbered Spartans to lay down their weapons to avoid slaughter. The Spartan leader, King Leonidas, Responded, "MOLON LABE!", or "Come and get them!"

The bastard will eventually win, as he does with all of us. This does not mean you lay down your arms and accept it on his terms. If one does not go skidding into one's final rest kicking, punching, biting, and wrestling to make the precious time we have here count, then that time is wasted. At the end, there can be no better sentiment than,"Damn! What a ride THAT was!"

Embrace the challenge and joy that is the struggle of life, little brother. You have to love, respect, and acceptance of your family and friends... what more do you need in order to gird for battle? :)

Love,
John

Anonymous said...

You have the best family in the whole world. Lean on them.
DotnFL

Sayre said...

Hey, Rat Boy!!!! ;)

Hope you had a good Christmas! We sure did miss you down at the Farm. You're gonna have to learn how to drive so you can come home more often, you know. Once Shecky's gone, your rides will be farther apart...

Missed you little brother!