I started at the new location today. And it's not quite as dismal as I thought it might be. I still have my work cut out for me, but the slash and burn technique won't have to be applied, which is what I thought would probably have to take place. Instead, I have a very moldable crew that has just suffered with a lack of direction. I started giving guidance and they blossomed immediately. This is going to be tough, but it's going to work.
But for all the good that came out today... I'm distracted. Not worried, or sad, or downtrodden... just a little thrown.
I went to my ID doctor today. My CD4 was at 356 on the last draw about three months ago. It was a precipitous drop from the draw before that, after holding steady at 435-440 for the last three visits. Meds are suggested at the threshold of 350.
But then it gets weird. My viral load took an even MORE precipitous drop... which is good. So one test was bad news, the other test was GREAT news. There's some room for wild fluctuation, it appears. Doc said that she wasn't putting me on meds yet. What's more important, she continued, was trends. This was an out of ordinary drop. If the next tests come back holding steady at the same rate, meds may be considered -- but it's more likely that my CD4 might notch back up and recover -- maybe not fully, but at least a little -- and that my low viral load was just an incredible fluke.
But... meds. For the rest of life. And while many I've talked to say it has vastly improved their quality of life... I'm kind of scared. Once you're on meds, it's kind of a point of no return, particularly with insurance. They are life savers, yes -- but then my continuing health also relies on them fully once I'm put on a regimen. Removing them from the equation... well, I'm not even *on* them yet, so perhaps this isn't something to write about now.
Ever thinking ahead, though -- this is the reason why health care reform is a major driving factor in the choices I make this election year. Say what you will about universal health care, but Great Britain has offered free HAART [Highly Active Antiretroviral Therapy] to all people legally in their country since 2004. In the US, an uninsured person could pay upwards of $1,000 monthly. It's enough for me to give a reconsideration to pursuing dual citizenship, for which I am eligible.
2 comments:
Don't borrow trouble. If it comes to that, you'll hit it head on, as you usually do. Meanwhile, one bum test doesn't mean a whole lot.
Having just started this finger prick routine, my #s are all over the shop. Neither very high, nor very low. One day my reading before the meal was higher than afterwards--go figure.
I'm not worried, nor should you be. As a very good book puts it,
" Take no thought for tomorrow, for you know not what tomorrow may bring." Or as somebody else put it--Don't worry--be happy.
dad
Fingers crossed for your next round of tests... I know this must be... scary maybe isn't the right word, but definitely cause for concern.
Is it true that once you're on meds you're on meds for life? No hope of being able to stop them after everything normalizes?
As always, my love and prayers are with you!
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