what it means

The new title, Saturn Returns, makes reference to many things... one being the song I quoted below in the first entry -- rebirth mixed with mourning mixed with just a tinge of optimism for things to come.

A second, more literary reference is the astrological phenomena known as Saturn Return. In our solar calendar, Saturn makes one trip around the sun approximately every 29 years. In astrology, Saturn is associated with the passage of time, challenge, fear, doubt, confusion, difficulty, seriousness, heaviness, unwanted burdens and hard lessons. So, it is said that around the ages of 27-31, when Saturn is in approximately the same astral position as it was when you were first born, and the result is a period of trial and tribulation which puts our coping skills to the maximum test and ultimately sets a course in defining who you are for the next stage of your life. As a result, you emerge on the other side of this phase with the positive aspects Saturn is associated with: structure, significance, accomplishment, reflection, power, prestige, maturity, responsibility and order.

I've never placed any credence or faith in astrology, but there are occasions where it puts a name to a fairly universal theme. It fits.

This, however, will be a slow start. Three months ago, I became aware of some tremendous, life altering realities which I've still not fully adjusted to... so I've been in hiding ever since while I try to sort things out in my head. I've been depressed, which is to be expected... just another bump in the road. When I get like this, though, I isolate myself a great deal. I don't like to inflict my problems on anyone else... I'll tell them what they need to know and handle it myself, and if I need help, I'll ask for it. I'm not so full of pride that I can't do that.

My brother once told me that the worst day of his life was also the best day of his life, because that was the day that gave him the foundation to become who he is now.

I know what he means by that, but I can't say I've fully grasped it. I'm learning, though.