Earlier this month, RENT closed on Broadway after running for twelve and a half years. The final performance was filmed for posterity, and this weekend, that performance is being shown in movie theatres across the nation. This is not the flawed movie version put out three years ago -- this is the Broadway staging, with audience, as written.
I highly recommend you log on to The Hot Ticket and see if it is playing anywhere near you -- Tallahassee has it showing at the AMC at the mall through Sunday.
RENT defined a lot of who I was in my formative young adult years. It spoke to the sensibilities most people have when they are high school/college age -- that Utopian ideal of grasping on to every moment, dedicating yourself to your passions at whatever cost. As you grow older, though, the routine of life sets in... you go through the motions because that's just what you do. And for most people, that's fine.
Ten months ago, I became not-most-people. I saw RENT for the first time since my diagnosis tonight. It was like meeting up with a close friend I hadn't seen in years, and picking up exactly where you left off, connecting in that beautiful, intensely personal way you'd been missing for ages.
I've lived under this burden for the last ten months and I've just kept myself safe by hiding away... sticking to the routine, going through the motions. But I remember now what I connected to when I was young -- the urgency of life. And suddenly, it's relevant to me again. I'm ready to move forward, to move on to the next chapter, but I don't know quite how to do that. I want to embrace each day as it comes... and though I'm healthy now, I know that won't always be the case. There will be days where this thing gets the better of me. Watching the show tonight with a different pair of glasses on reminded me that I need to live without fear, regardless of whether I'm here for another fifty years or fifty days.
So if you go and see it -- look beyond the character flaws, the motivations, and (what can seem to be) indictments of the paths these characters took -- and search for the underlying message. The one that hit home for so many when RENT crashed the party twelve and a half years ago -- and the one that knocked me out of a conscious sleep tonight. And when you do, you may well figure out a little piece of where I'm coming from... and where I'm going next.
And when I do figure out how to embrace each day and be satisfied with it... I'll do my best to let you in on that secret.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
psst
Oh, if I go kind of quiet over the next couple of days, it's because I'm NOT HERE!
A friend of mine is a flight attendant and has a layover in NYC and asked if I could come along and play tour guide, since he's never been.
Gee, a free trip to NYC? I guess I could... see ya Monday!
A friend of mine is a flight attendant and has a layover in NYC and asked if I could come along and play tour guide, since he's never been.
Gee, a free trip to NYC? I guess I could... see ya Monday!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
we hold these truths to be self evident
I don't mean for this blog to go all political, but I try to reflect what's going through my mind, and right now I'm thinking election. Check out the comments from the previous pithy entry...
I'm underwhelmed by both major candidates for president. I'm happy to give them both credit where credit is due, but there's some major issues I have with both. Obama's plans for small businesses are a sham. McCain's health care initiative is frightening to me -- particularly in light of my recent diagnosis.
And then, of course, there is the ultimate wedge issue of them all -- gay marriage. It riles up the loudest contingents of voters on both sides, though many people call it an unimportant, irrelevant issue in light of everything else going on. Accuse me of being biased all you want, but I think it may well be the most vital and relevant issue we are facing, and here is why:
Realistically speaking, if it were legal for me to get married, I doubt I ever would... so it isn't something I should be invested in, right? Wrong. It's a simple matter of equality. The yelling and screaming about religious morality and the like has no place in proper governance.
Gay men and women have as little control over their sexuality as black people have control over the color of their skin (Michael Jackson notwithstanding)... and as such, should not be denied the same rights afforded to the rest of the population should they choose to accept those rights. There are two arguments I've encountered when this comes up:
1) It's a state's rights issue.
Bull. Marriage is a federally recognized institution. Anything less is not equality, but mere pandering.
2) Marriage shouldn't be a federally recognized institution anyway.
Maybe you're right. But there's no major march to declassify it, and if there was it would never succeed. Marriage equality is the only other direction to go.
I accept civil unions as a transitional step, so long as the exact same rights and privileges are provided. But as the Supreme Court ruled years ago... separate but equal is not equal at all. Abolish marriage as a federal institution and make 'em all civil unions -- or don't do it at all.
In the face of all the millions of other things that are going on -- war, economic uncertainty, diplomatic strain, etc -- one may ask why I find this important or relevant at this juncture. Simply put -- the tenet of equality is what the United States was founded upon 232 years ago, and willful ignorance of that is dangerous. I'm not asking for special treatment. I'm simply asking for the same consideration provided to me and the person I love. When this is denied, our backs are being turned on the very foundations of what our country is supposed to represent. How can we uphold good standing in the other areas when we've gotten the fundamentals so wrong?
None of the major candidates running for president or VP pass this test. "Entering into a contract" does not equate tax breaks afforded to married couples, John McCain. "Hospital Visitations" is only a very small piece of the pie, Barack Obama. Someone needs to take the common sense, decent stance on this issue or I may have to run for office myself.
I'm underwhelmed by both major candidates for president. I'm happy to give them both credit where credit is due, but there's some major issues I have with both. Obama's plans for small businesses are a sham. McCain's health care initiative is frightening to me -- particularly in light of my recent diagnosis.
And then, of course, there is the ultimate wedge issue of them all -- gay marriage. It riles up the loudest contingents of voters on both sides, though many people call it an unimportant, irrelevant issue in light of everything else going on. Accuse me of being biased all you want, but I think it may well be the most vital and relevant issue we are facing, and here is why:
Realistically speaking, if it were legal for me to get married, I doubt I ever would... so it isn't something I should be invested in, right? Wrong. It's a simple matter of equality. The yelling and screaming about religious morality and the like has no place in proper governance.
Gay men and women have as little control over their sexuality as black people have control over the color of their skin (Michael Jackson notwithstanding)... and as such, should not be denied the same rights afforded to the rest of the population should they choose to accept those rights. There are two arguments I've encountered when this comes up:
1) It's a state's rights issue.
Bull. Marriage is a federally recognized institution. Anything less is not equality, but mere pandering.
2) Marriage shouldn't be a federally recognized institution anyway.
Maybe you're right. But there's no major march to declassify it, and if there was it would never succeed. Marriage equality is the only other direction to go.
I accept civil unions as a transitional step, so long as the exact same rights and privileges are provided. But as the Supreme Court ruled years ago... separate but equal is not equal at all. Abolish marriage as a federal institution and make 'em all civil unions -- or don't do it at all.
In the face of all the millions of other things that are going on -- war, economic uncertainty, diplomatic strain, etc -- one may ask why I find this important or relevant at this juncture. Simply put -- the tenet of equality is what the United States was founded upon 232 years ago, and willful ignorance of that is dangerous. I'm not asking for special treatment. I'm simply asking for the same consideration provided to me and the person I love. When this is denied, our backs are being turned on the very foundations of what our country is supposed to represent. How can we uphold good standing in the other areas when we've gotten the fundamentals so wrong?
None of the major candidates running for president or VP pass this test. "Entering into a contract" does not equate tax breaks afforded to married couples, John McCain. "Hospital Visitations" is only a very small piece of the pie, Barack Obama. Someone needs to take the common sense, decent stance on this issue or I may have to run for office myself.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
in a nutshell...
The current mortgage crisis, in layman's terms:
Lower Middle Class: OH HAI! I CAN HAS HOUS?
Bank: I HAS A SUBPRIME MORTGAGE OFFR 4 U. LET ME SHOW U IT.
Lower Middle Class: KOOL. LOL!
Couple years later...
Lower Middle Class: U MEANS I HAS TO PAY MORE EVERY MONTHS? FAIL
Bank: OH NOES! WE WERE COUNTIN ON UR PAYIN US
Lower Middle Class: NO, THEY BE TAKIN' MAH HOUS
Bank: ALL UR HOUSES ARE BELONG TO US. BUT NO ONE BUYIN'! FAIL
Sunday, August 31, 2008
tough week
I've been recovering all week from a cold that hung over me like fog in San Francisco. It's mostly gone, though I still have a coughing fit here and there. Bouncing around from work to errands to sleep while in a constant sickly-daze takes a lot out of you, and after work yesterday I came home and went to bed at 3:30 in the afternoon.
I woke up about five hours later and got burritos with my roommate. As we walked back in, my phone rang.
My best friend delivered the news that his ex, Manny, had died the night before. I wish I could say it was a shocking thing, but honestly, it wasn't. Manny had been slowly committing suicide for the past two years.
As a teenager, he developed a rather nasty drug and alcohol habit and essentially tore his insides to shreds. After one night too many in an ER, he pulled himself together and learned about the miracle of moderation. He dropped the hard stuff entirely and learned how to limit himself on the legal stuff. It was quite impressive, considering his chosen career as a sommelier. I met him a few weeks after N started dating him, and instantly liked the guy. As time went by, he became an extension of my best friend -- teaching me all about wine, meeting up for dinner, and being an all-around supportive, caring person.
Shortly after I left town, it started to go downhill. He had left his stable job to work at a posh private club that was just opening. After a disastrous start the club, bleeding money, let Manny go since they couldn't afford his paycheck. And that's where it began. His moderation went out the window. Certain forbidden items suddenly sprang up again.
He returned to some level of stability when he landed a new job, but six months later he was caught stealing from the wine cellar. It just got worse from there, until he was quaffing two liters of vodka a day, bouncing from job to job... including one for Gordon Ramsay. Gordon shoved him out the door after three days.
N couldn't take it anymore. He was paying the rent, the bills, and Manny was doing nothing but slowly self-destructing. Finally, after supporting him for six months like this, N presented an ultimatum... which was not met, and decided to break the lease.
The last time I saw Manny was shortly after this. He had dried blood around his nostrils and white powder in his nose. He was angry at N, and made a clumsy pass at me in his inebriated state. Two weeks later, he left New York and moved back in with his mother in Las Vegas.
Every once in a while we'd hear updates about how he was doing... it was always a roller coaster, and he never quite got it back together. The last two years were punctuated by hospital visits as one by one his internal organs signaled distress until this week when, finally, his liver and kidneys gave out for good. He passed away on Friday night.
I've been dealing with this through stunned silence. Perhaps it is that I have been mourning the loss of my friend for the past two years, and a sense of finality is more of a relief than anything else. I miss my friend a lot though, and I choose to remember the supportive, funny, goofy spirit I met at first rather than the broken and weak man he became.
Goodbye, Manny. I hope you have found peace again.
I woke up about five hours later and got burritos with my roommate. As we walked back in, my phone rang.
My best friend delivered the news that his ex, Manny, had died the night before. I wish I could say it was a shocking thing, but honestly, it wasn't. Manny had been slowly committing suicide for the past two years.
As a teenager, he developed a rather nasty drug and alcohol habit and essentially tore his insides to shreds. After one night too many in an ER, he pulled himself together and learned about the miracle of moderation. He dropped the hard stuff entirely and learned how to limit himself on the legal stuff. It was quite impressive, considering his chosen career as a sommelier. I met him a few weeks after N started dating him, and instantly liked the guy. As time went by, he became an extension of my best friend -- teaching me all about wine, meeting up for dinner, and being an all-around supportive, caring person.
Shortly after I left town, it started to go downhill. He had left his stable job to work at a posh private club that was just opening. After a disastrous start the club, bleeding money, let Manny go since they couldn't afford his paycheck. And that's where it began. His moderation went out the window. Certain forbidden items suddenly sprang up again.
He returned to some level of stability when he landed a new job, but six months later he was caught stealing from the wine cellar. It just got worse from there, until he was quaffing two liters of vodka a day, bouncing from job to job... including one for Gordon Ramsay. Gordon shoved him out the door after three days.
N couldn't take it anymore. He was paying the rent, the bills, and Manny was doing nothing but slowly self-destructing. Finally, after supporting him for six months like this, N presented an ultimatum... which was not met, and decided to break the lease.
The last time I saw Manny was shortly after this. He had dried blood around his nostrils and white powder in his nose. He was angry at N, and made a clumsy pass at me in his inebriated state. Two weeks later, he left New York and moved back in with his mother in Las Vegas.
Every once in a while we'd hear updates about how he was doing... it was always a roller coaster, and he never quite got it back together. The last two years were punctuated by hospital visits as one by one his internal organs signaled distress until this week when, finally, his liver and kidneys gave out for good. He passed away on Friday night.
I've been dealing with this through stunned silence. Perhaps it is that I have been mourning the loss of my friend for the past two years, and a sense of finality is more of a relief than anything else. I miss my friend a lot though, and I choose to remember the supportive, funny, goofy spirit I met at first rather than the broken and weak man he became.
Goodbye, Manny. I hope you have found peace again.
Monday, August 25, 2008
recommendations
First off, a few blogs I've stumbled on recently that make me laugh:
Cake Wrecks -- professionally made cakes that have gone horribly, horribly wrong.
It's Lovely! I'll Take It! -- culling only the very best from real estate listings on the Internet
Photoshop Disasters -- Photoshop is a fantastic program ... in the right hands. In the wrong ones, it's a cavalcade of deformity!
--
And following up on the diplomatic work question... well, it kind of worked itself out. Fay came to town and knocked a lot of the plans we'd made off kilter. I made my concerns known with what we proceeded with, and they were heeded.
I'm finally beginning to shake off this cold, too. Took long enough!
Cake Wrecks -- professionally made cakes that have gone horribly, horribly wrong.
It's Lovely! I'll Take It! -- culling only the very best from real estate listings on the Internet
Photoshop Disasters -- Photoshop is a fantastic program ... in the right hands. In the wrong ones, it's a cavalcade of deformity!
--
And following up on the diplomatic work question... well, it kind of worked itself out. Fay came to town and knocked a lot of the plans we'd made off kilter. I made my concerns known with what we proceeded with, and they were heeded.
I'm finally beginning to shake off this cold, too. Took long enough!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
business diplomacy question...
So... how do you gently object to a plan agreed on by the rest of the team that you just know is a terrible, terrible idea?
I don't want to seem like I'm just being contrary, and I don't really even have anything to back up my objections beyond gut instinct... I'd just rather not be associated with this fumble in the making.
I don't want to seem like I'm just being contrary, and I don't really even have anything to back up my objections beyond gut instinct... I'd just rather not be associated with this fumble in the making.
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