the best month and a half

It's been over a year since I wrote in this. I suppose, given the title of the blog itself, that's fitting. In astrology, the Saturn Return is a period of tumult and hardship that comes along every 28 years -- where Saturn returns to the point it was in around the time of your birth. As I am now fast approaching 31 -- Saturn has decidedly left the building. That whole concept, enduring hardship from 27-30, certainly seems to fit, though I don't necessarily consider the position of Saturn in the sky as a causality - more a coming of age that syncs up with a transitional period in anyone's life.



Life has transferred back to the general series of ups and downs -- work generally saps me of any life force, but my home life and my friends replenish my supply. Romantically... well, there's nothing romantically, but I've found myself to be more than OK with that. I don't feel as though I'm missing anything. I like my life enough in general that romantic entanglements would merely be frosting -- an added bonus but not necessary to enjoy a slice of cake. And while it would be nice to have all aspects of my daily life in perfect harmony - a job I can't wait to get to every day, a home I can relax in, and friends to envelope me with great experiences and good times... two out of three ain't bad.



So perhaps this is a coda to this blog. I wrote here to release whatever tensions and worries I had about things that were going downhill, be it my health and diagnosis, or the bankruptcy of my former company. These things weigh less on my head than they did at the time. I started meds on October 1, and aside from some side effects and a rather stubborn viral infection... I'm doing really well.



However, if I'm closing this out (which is not fully decided)... I would be remiss in not writing about three spectacular things that happened to me between mid-September and the end of October. It was the most insanely eventful 45 days of my life - wonderful, amazing things here and there tempered by other issues - but dizzying highs that are beginning to set me on a new course and giving me ideas as to what I want to do with the rest of my life.



1) BTC - September 23-27



In April of this year, I was given a flier for an event called Braking The Cycle -- a 285 mile bike ride from Boston to NYC, to benefit the HIV/AIDS services of The Center. Aside from the obvious personal reasons, I've always wanted to do a distance bike event ever since my brother did the MS150 in Florida. There's never been the opportunity until now, so I signed up right away. Aside from the coordinated group efforts from school or Boy Scouts, I'd never taken on a major fund-raising effort. My efforts languished as events I planned never took off or got cancelled from lack of support, until about 3 weeks out, I was looking at the very real possibility of having to pull out. I was disappointed and depressed about the prospect and made one final push - sending out multitudes of emails (which were subsequently forwarded... my parents were instrumental in those efforts) -- and harnessing the power of social networking. My facebook updates and tweets were sprinkled out ad nauseum, spread to the four corners of the earth - imploring thousands upon thousands of people to give to this very worthy cause. It mostly fell on deaf ears, but those that heard and put in did so generously. In the span of two weeks I'd raised over $2,000. In the end, I'm still about $500 shy of my goal, which comes out of my pocket now. But worth it - so very, very worth it.



I am a person with a lot of walls. I tend to be a loner and I'm generally skeptical of everyone's intentions, including my own. I went into the ride not really knowing what to expect. I wasn't able to participate in a lot of the lead up activities due to my work commitments, so I blindly boarded a bus for Boston, figuring I've raised some money, and I'm going for a ride, and that will be that. The other 175 people I would spend the weekend with had other plans. About 12 hours a day on the road doesn't make for much socializing but at every stop along the way there was always someone there with a handful of ibuprofen or a cooler full of Gatorade, ready to help you in any way necessary. There was always someone there who had an ear ready if you needed to talk. And, god forbid, if you were running behind or just had run out of steam... there was a van ready to pick you up and take you to the next stop. To be surrounded by this sort of relentless concern and kindness... a camaraderie I wasn't quite prepared for... it started to break down those bricks in my wall. At the closing ceremonies, we rolled in to the cheers of a huge group of people. I lost all composure during the moment of silence for those that were lost since the epidemic started... and when our final fundraising tally of $318,000 was revealed, I felt an extraordinary pride in this group accomplishment I don't think I've ever felt before. I thought to myself... "God, if I could feel this way every day of my life..."



2) WWTBAM? October 13



After a particularly frustrating day at work in late August, I went home grousing to myself that all I needed was a million dollars and I could just go live the life I wanted. Lofty aspirations that sound best coming out of a grumpy teenagers mouth, I know... but at some point I threw the word "Millionaire" into Google and somehow landed on the audition page for the syndicated version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. The next morning I received confirmation that I was scheduled to take the written test in two days...with about 200 other people. Of those 200, about 15 passed the test and were invited for a face to face interview with the shows segment producers, and if deemed interesting enough, you were then shot over to an on-camera interview to determine if you were TV friendly. Armed with great answers to my questionnaire, I breezed through the interview and taped a 5 or 6 minute on-camera interview (from my observations... the others were getting about 2-3 minutes on-camera). I was walked out of the building by one of the producers, thanked profusely and told I would be notified of my status via postcard in about two to three weeks.



Two to three weeks later...nothing. Figuring I had been passed over, I focused on the task at hand -- finishing my fundraising for Braking the Cycle. I forgot about it entirely until the day before I left for Boston, the magical postcard arrived - four and a half weeks after the initial audition.



"You have been selected for our contestants pool! Congratulations!"



It then went on to say being placed in the contestant's pool was in no way a guarantee of being selected to play, etc, etc, etc... but validating that they liked me enough to keep me in consideration! The pool keeps you active on their contestants list for two years, so I wasn't really anticipating anything too quickly... until I got a call on October 7. "Hey, we were going to pull you in for a taping later this year, but an out of town contestant cancelled on their taping for tomorrow, can you be at the studio in twelve hours?"



In a flurry, I rescheduled work commitments and filled out a 50 question personality quiz for interview topics, gathered outfits and clothing, trying to contact friends for the audience - things most contestants have a month to do I had less than ten hours to finish. At 7:30AM, I showed up at the studio, completely exhausted from a lack of sleep but exhilarated that this was actually happening. Four hours of briefings - segment producer, exec producer, legal, publicity. Studio rehearsal, where I shocked myself by knowing the answer to the $1,000,000 test question (How many humans were on Noah's Ark?) Photos, makeup, and then...waiting. A week's worth of shows are taped in one day, and eleven other contestants all crammed into a green room. We're all fun and playful people and since we're not directly competing we're supportive and hope for the best. As the day progresses... our numbers dwindle down, until it's just three contestants left...and taping is complete for the day. I've been ROLLED OVER to the next taping date, five days away. All that to sit on a couch all day!?


It's for the best. I got to study, lined up friends for the audience... and most importantly, to sleep the night before.

I'm under the grips of a non-disclosure agreement - my show isn't slated to air until January - so I can't really say much about how it went. I won anywhere between $1,000 and $1,000,000. I can say, though, that it was pure joy to be in front of an audience again. It was the most fun I've had in a really, really long time, and I think I gave them great TV. I'd love to do it all again. TV is loads of fun. "If I could do this every day of my life..."

3) Korea, October 27-Nov 2

...which will be a long, long entry, and I will post separately. To put a nice little bow on it all, though -- it was a magical month and a half. I'm actively searching for ways to keep that magic going... and judging by these occurrences, I need to film a TV show with an audience that involves me travelling around the world and doing good deeds -- and then I will be truly happy and fulfilled in every single way imaginable!

awkward

I'm taking a break from cleaning to check in here and pass along some updates, and elaborate a little more on where I am and what I'm doing.

I now live in a beautiful loft apartment, converted to three bedrooms. We have 12 foot ceilings with two big windows that let in lots of natural light. The main living space is a big connected room with the kitchen and living spaces all combined Our television is actually a high definition projector shown on to about six and a half feet of wall. Watching movies is a thrilling experience, right from the comfort of home. It is already an assumed fact that we will be hosting the big viewing parties for the Oscars, Tonys, and whatever other awesome events taking place at any given time. I have no problem with that, I enjoy hosting people at my home.

It's also very, very dry. As such, any dust in the air clunks right to the ground. It's hard to keep the place clean because as soon as it's clean, another coating of dust covers everything within a day. The dryness wreaks havoc on my respiratory system and the past several mornings I've hurked up giant balls of phlegm after waking up. I have a humidifier now and I'm going to try that out tonight to see if there's any difference. There are three cats in the space. One of them has an odd quirk where instead of pissing in the litter box, he'll piss on the mat in front (there to keep kitties from tracking litter everywhere). If the mat is removed -- he won't pee there. He'll use the box. But then there's bits of litter all over the place. The long and short is -- it all requires a great deal of maintenance or the joint will reek of cat pee very quickly. Despite all that, though, I love the place, I adore my roommates, and home life is quite nice.

On to work and money... when last I checked in, I had accepted an offer from Company A. I spent several days after that second guessing myself until I started working. Those worries were somewhat founded when I realized that the job I would be doing wasn't exactly the job I had been pitched, the HR and benefits packages were actually somewhat restrictive rather than beneficial, and the systems and operational procedures were woefully out of date with no one particularly interested or motivated to correct them. It's a company that has a comparatively low bottom line -- so if a profit is being turned, everything's fine in their eyes. Nothing to correct, no need to evolve!

Ouch. I've just spent four years with a company that had the same philosophy, and they wound up bankrupt and had to sell themselves at a pretty cut rate. (their new ownership appears to really understand the industry, and good changes are being made at a quick pace...) Still, I'm trying not to judge too quickly. To be safe, I'm trying to keep the lines of communication open with the old company so if something comes up I can transfer back, but I'm never one to shy from a challenge!

Thing is -- I'm not sure what that challenge is yet. I was plunked in a temporary situation where they had a staffing crisis (one fired, one on vacation, one on a family emergency). That crisis has since evened out and now... I don't know where I'm supposed to be. I've asked. They don't know. They can't get their stuff together, and in the meantime I'm just floating around, trying to be productive and take up projects... but there's a pretty pronounced lack of direction here. I think I've made an error in judgment, but I'm trying to make the best of it I can.

The added bonus: I'm off unemployment, but the first paycheck doesn't arrive until the 21st. My funds are getting pretty low. I'll make it, but only just. I've had to continue lying low in the interim, having to put off plans for fun nights out with people I haven't seen in ages. But, as they might say in Avenue Q, it's only for now. I'll be back on the saddle in no time! Despite the challenges and roadblocks along the way... life is good.

score!

The long and short of this entry is that by the end of this week, I will be employed again.

After a week of moving in, organizing, cleaning up and getting settled, I started pursuing my leads. I started by contacting my phone interview from July to let her know I had finally arrived and was ready to pursue Company A. She pulled me in for an interview Thursday, which went very well, and set up a second interview with their VP of Operations to take place today.

Friday, I got a call from the company (B) that laid me off two weeks ago. They want me back. In New York. I set up a meeting for this morning, taking place prior to my second interview.

So this morning, I woke up brightish and earlyish (for me) and as I'm getting ready to head downtown, my phone chirps with a new email. My second interview has been canceled. I was a little crestfallen, until I read the second paragraph:

"I want to go ahead and extend you an offer to bring you on board. Let's meet Wednesday and hammer it out."

I already knew the ballpark salary figures I was looking at for Company A, so I decided to go into the interview with Company B and use that as leverage. I saw where I'd be for Company B, met the staff I'd be working with... I asked about the more HR oriented things I would require to come back on board, and each one was agreed to. The working conditions were perfect. An offer was made.

The offer... was not good. In fact, kind of lousy. Liveable, sure. Workable. And a lot of freedom and flexibility. But kind of a slap, considering the skillset I bring to the table, the consistent and reliable performance I've turned in for the last four years. I need a better acknowledgment before I jump right back into that mess. I asked for a day to mull it over.

I called Company A, explained I had another offer on the table and asked to meet that day instead of Wednesday to get the details of the offer. She obliged and told me to come up right then.

Company A's compensation plan worries me a little. The base is barely better than unemployment. The difference, however, is made up through a variety of commissions and bonuses, and when all added together, with all cylinders firing, it totals considerably better than Company B's offer.

Back to Company B. I told them the one sticking point on this is the compensation package -- it was not sufficient considering my abilities and the increased cost of living between Atlanta and New York. I added $2K to my desired rate to give them room to negotiate back to it. They're crunching numbers now to see if they can make it happen, and will be back to me with a counter offer tonight or tomorrow morning. If they can meet me, I'll come back to Company B. If not, I land squarely at Company A.

Either way, WIN.

It was a little bit of a crapshoot, but moving back is turning out to be one of the best decisions I've made in a long, long time.

---

EDIT/UPDATE:

Company B could not meet my salary request. Company A has a new employee!

home, sweet home

Man, did I miss this city!

I haven't even gone out or done very much yet. I've been trying to get settled in, and finally, it appears to be happening. My room, when I first got here, was unfinished. The loft was shaky and unsupported, no furniture, no drywall, nothing. So first, a run to Home Depot to get supplies to rebuild the loft bed. Noah did most of the work, this seems to be one of his many fortes... I'm more technical and handy, but he can build. It's quite impressive, actually -- he built all the walls and a lot of the structural stuff in this apartment, and did a bang up job of it. After getting the loft built, we turned to the steps, and then finally, to Ikea. I dropped a pretty sizable coin on a couple of furniture pieces and the like, but it's very much worth it. I'm finally home, and each little addition tells me more. In fact, my computer is now back up and running. Clothes are finding a new home and... egads, I have my first load of dirty laundry to do tomorrow.

But that will all have to wait for a moment, because tomorrow: My first interview.

Stay tuned.

closure

Hm, it's been a while.

Closure. It's the only thing I could think to title this and I think it's apt and multi-layered, as all thoughtful, literate blogs should be. Also, I'm an egomaniac.

Honestly, though, things are ending all around me. My employment is the obvious one -- no bids to buy the club, so pending court approval tomorrow morning, we are closed for business later this week. Finally. We lasted far longer than anyone anticipated, and arguably we should have been gone three months ago. Jokes on them. I've been getting paid to essentially sit on my hands.

And I moved out of my apartment. The cats shipped up A-OK. I worried though, a great deal. Scooter had a seizure just as I was putting him in the crate. But I couldn't turn around and make other plans, so I just held my breath for eight hours until I got the all-OK call from N. They are adjusting well. I got everything out a day early. The room looks startlingly sparse. A lot of decor projects I never got to do. But it's no longer home.

Temporarily, I've taken up residence at my brother's house. On my second night in, I cooked dinner and discovered bits of teflon scraping off the very well used pots and pans, so a few days later I tricked my brother into dropping me off to do some shopping on his way to work. When he returned, a new twelve piece cookware set awaited to be broken in. It's odd being back here -- I lived here for about 8 months when I first moved to Atlanta, and now I'm back on my way out. I will have only lived in two places in this city in my four years here. I don't think I've ever known such consistency before.

The house is isolating, though. Convenient to everything but close to nothing... for someone without a car it makes things a challenge. And inevitably, the most direct path home has the steepest hills to climb. So when I'm here, I'm HERE until I MUST be somewhere else.

So with work winding down this week, my mind turns to my inevitable exit. I've been monitoring the prices on airline tickets and initially I was concerned that a short turn around means higher prices. But then, I realized that were I to wait the ten day deadline to get the better price... well, that's ten days of doing nothing -- and living expenses would cost the same as the extra amount for the ticket. I plan to hit the ground running at my next destination. No time to sit and wait for a better deal. I have to go out and find it.

So the long and short of it all is that things will be changing very quickly for me in the next week or so. I sort of hope it all comes down on Wednesday... such that I can file my unemployment and fly out by Sunday, making a new start on the new week. I've never been so lucky, though -- this mess has been nothing but unpredictable. So, I wait. And we'll see. But finally, I'm closing this chapter, four years after it began. And for the next one, I have a pretty good idea where I'm going with the story. I don't have to wing it.

home sweet home

Took the cats to the vet to get their health certificates and OK to fly. They're good enough to fly, but Scooter has a bit of a heart murmur I was implored to get checked out in the next few months. Calling to make the cargo reservation tonight to fly them out Wednesday. When all is said and done, moving the cats will be the most expensive part of this excursion!

It's become very, very difficult to motivate myself to schlep into work. It's a bad situation all around and definitely not good for my health. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's just a few more weeks, and it's all behind me. Today was an early day for the cats, taking Friday off completely to finish up on moving out, and it's back to the ManHouse this weekend. Is this all really happening? It's all just a little too jarring.

Anyway. If you're curious to know where I'll be living... here's the craigslist ad for the other room. It's home!

leavin' on a jet plane

I guess, since many, many things will be leaving my possession this week for the next destination, that I can go ahead and make the formal announcement. Not that it comes as any shock to anyone.

Once Crunch formally leaves the Atlanta region, I will also. I am officially moving back to New York City.

There are still a few kinks to work out, but I think I've got most of it ready to go. My personal effects will leave my current living quarters on Friday afternoon -- everything except one bag of luggage with a week's worth of clothing to be worn in rotation. The cats will be cargo shipped up on Wednesday into the loving arms of my future roommate who has graciously offered to take them in as his own until I'm up there myself. Though I don't have a solid date for my own departure, it should be within the next three weeks. As an added bonus, I'll be eligible for unemployment and the all-important COBRA subsidy.

I must leave my current living situation by September 1, so I have decided to take up my big brother's offer to return to ManHouse until my job is done, bringing the whole Atlanta experience full circle.

I came here totally aimless, disappointed and broken down over my own failures. I stumbled into a job I wound up holding on to for four years (to the day today, actually) -- the longest I've ever stayed in one place. And while the last four months have soured me on the work experience, I've gained a great deal from my experience. I never did make much of a personal connection with this city, and several of my friends have decried its very existence for the run of bad luck I had here (a bit melodramatic if you ask me, but whatever - heart's in the right place). I emerge a bit less aimless, and in far greater control of my personal destiny. While I'm uncertain about what happens next, I know I'm making the right choices -- and in the off-chance I'm not, I know I'm much better equipped to handle it than I was before. I'm like a cat -- I always land on my feet.

Unless I get hit by a beer truck. In that case, I land on my back and top of my head.